Today has been a day of agony of sorts. Sometimes I am overcome by desire. Not necessarily explicit or understandable desire, but one that leaves me aching, writhing with creativity and longing for something that seems outside of this world, of this life. The problem is, God has a way of showing up just enough to wake me from the slumber of soul that so defines this age and remind me that I am made for something other than what we can muster in our muddled stupor. Suddenly, all the things I care deeply about come crashing through. All the things that light my passion for living re-emerge like a good Van Morrison song visiting me from some strange corner of life. I can no longer tolerate stumbling along with my eyes shut, pretending that this world really has what I need. I just want. And some days it feels so beautiful it hurts. Which is, I suppose, what drives many of us to our slumber.
And then I came across a picture of my nephew Everett and it starts all over. It almost makes me cry because he lives so far away and I love him so much. I've had many very dear friends have children. I'm a Godfather to a 10 year old that I deeply love. But I never knew one could fall this hard, this fast, in love with a child. I wanted to pack him as carry-on when I came back to Seattle a couple weeks ago. My desire has some clarity here, some teeth. Sweet Jesus help me.
1 comment:
Greg,
That was truly soulful and beautiful. Your heart is so good. To use one of your phrases, "hurt me." Lately, I've asked a lot of questions, "why?" mainly. Then I remember, "It's love that wrote the play" I certainly don't get life all the time, but I trust the One who does. I think that's all He's asking me to do. That's the mystery for me...
You're right, "some days it feels so beautiful it hurts."
Post a Comment