Monday, November 14, 2005

There's a Cape Horn for Every Man...


Writes Melville, an ancient mariner and Horn rounder in his own right. Cape Horn, or "Cape Stiff" so named by the sailors who dared round during the days of sail, is the southern most tip of South America which lies in the Southern Ocean below about fifty degrees south latitude. The southern dividing line between the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Home to the worst weather and seas in the world. In the old days, your chances of surviving a rounding of the Horn were slim at best. Yet, for many reasons, men continued to risk everything. Commerce, trade, war, and colonization drove men around and left many lost, frozen, and drowned never to be heard from again. There are bones of ships and men scattered around the Horn like a warning to all who might try.

The Horn remains an archetype of the ancient struggle between man and the sea. Both his desire and ambition and his nightmare and nemesis played out for hundreds of years. It makes me wonder, perhaps somewhat rhetorically, what drives men towards such peril. It also makes me wonder about a life lived purely for safety, security, and predictability. While such things are certainly nice to count on, I think they have a tendency to hollow a man's soul. I also think no matter how cautious one is, life will eventually deal you a blow that will test your mettle, leave you scapmering up the ratlines and clinging to the spar for dear life as your ship absorbes rogue waves that threaten to bring her down.

I think perhaps I rounded my own Horn this year. All things considered, a very fast passage and I dare say even in today's age, I came out far better than I would have if I was a sailor in the 19th or even early 20th Century. But I'm really still rounding. Perhaps I've crossed the line, but like a sailor in the Southern Ocean, I'm prepared to be driven back again by the squalls of life.

I'm just waiting for the "all hands lay aloft" call.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

All the roots grow deeper when it's dry


I took this picture today, with my new camera, while I worked alone. Sometimes when I'm up there alone, I feel such relief, such contentment. Mostly I think it's because for so many months I've been so overwhelmed by this whole thing. But now, when I can climb the ladder and actually get to work and see change, I feel like I'm settled into the rythym of the project. This is what I committed to, this is what I thought it would be like. Just not so damn cold.

I've been thinking alot about what it means to commit to something so much bigger than I am. It takes such sacrifice, such willingness to suffer for what I love. I'm finally getting used to it. The risk is there, and I've already paid so dearly, given so much. But I think for some reason we're made to live like this...to love like this. This boat is more than a boat for me to go sailing on. This boat is a metaphor for my life. I'm only now begining to see the picture. It will take months and years to see the rest of it but for now I see one thing clearly. To love without risk is foolish and impossible.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Bird By Bird...


Lately I've been coming to grips with the reality of this project. But I'm feeling surprisingly more at rest with it. When I first went to San Diego in February to prep the boat for transport by truck, I was so overwhelmed and anxious I literally didn't sleep for two straight nights. During the day I worked like a crazed madman. It's surprising I didn't fall off the boat then. I was by myself, sick with anxiety, and so full of adrenaline I worked for hours without sleep, food, or even water. Climbed all over the boat like a monkey and yanked more hardware off the boat than I ever imagined possible.

Well now, as I'm actually able to see and affect progress, I'm gaining a much more "Bird by Bird"-like approach. You just have to break daunting things like this down into manageable bites. Given our pace, we're really making great progress. The decks, as you can see, are completely filled, faired, and sealed with a high-build epoxy. The house, cockpits, and trunk cabin are nearly prepped for painting and hatch replacement.

We've been removing some of the poorly designed and useless systems and glassing over them so you'll never know they were there. This boat is going to be very clean and simple with an aesthetic that will match her sexy lines and ingenious rig. Our priority is to finish off the decks, house, hatches and portlights, drop the engine in, and paint the hull and bottom. Then pop her in the water to finish the interior and rigging.

By my math, we'll be done in a couple weeks.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Age of Sail::.

This term has so many meanings for me this year. One, today is my 35th birthday. I have entered the 36th year of my life, mostly by miracle, certainly by love, perhaps by luck, and definitely by the skill and care of an excellent hospital. I truly love Harborview Medical Center and often go back to 4West, the rehab floor where I spent two weeks, to visit the team of people who worked with me. In fact in two days, I return to 4West to undergo an extensive Neuropsych Evaluation to determine if there are any lingering or permanent deficits in my functioning. While I don't really notice anything, I'm nervous about what they will find that I don't want to be true.

As friend of mine said to me, "Seems you've had many "birthdays" over the past year. When you spoke your first words after the fall. When you were released from the hospital. When you had your final surgery. When you re-started your practice."

This is a monumental year for me that feels very much like a first year. Truly a birth day. God only knows where it will go from here, but I know that this boat will come with me.

Here's to this year.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

On A Day When the Wind is Perfect...

This poem by Rumi has me transfixed. While I like poetry and how it speaks so uniquely to the heart, I've not often been transfixed by it. Mostly because I don't spend time with it. This poem, however hit me right where it counts.

On a day when the wind is perfect,
The sail just needs to open
and the world is full of beauty.

Today is such a day.
There's a breeze that can enter your soul.
This love that I know plays the drum

Arms move around me.
Who can contain their self before this beauty?

On a day when the wind is perfect,
The sail just needs to open and the love begins.

Today is such a day.
Today is such a day.